As Charlotte is now approaching her first birthday, I’m starting to get increasingly nostalgic about my hypnobirthing story and everything is reminding me of ‘this time last year’ which was incredibly different.
I know I usually post about food but I felt like I wanted to type it all out whilst I still remember. As time passes, I’m sure my brain will change how it happened, it probably has already. This may never see the light of day.
Essentially my story starts by seeing the Shrove Tuesday paraphernalia this week dotted around Tesco and I remember how this time last year, I was anxiously wondering if Charlotte would arrive mid me flipping a pancake…
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Charlotte was due on March 1st and being my first baby, everyone said she will probably come late. My very wonderful community midwife Becky was heading off at the end of Februrary to India and I remember thinking it was a shame as I would have loved for her to be there.
I had also taken early leave from work so had joined a ‘bumps and babies’ walking group. I was the only ‘bump’ and I remember feeling like a bit of an imposter, that surely I wasn’t going to join them with a real-life baby soon? I eagerly listened to their labor stories and considered the different tales.
I remember thinking that I was absolutely petrified of giving birth. I had watched all the things I shouldn’t have over the years and watched in horror. I did watch a Cherry Healey BBC3 documentary amongst it all, about how she explored her own fears of birth. During the documentary (which is worth a watch) they interview a woman doing hypnobirthing. She explains quite simply ‘Well, I’ve seen my cat give birth, so I’m sure I can too’. And for some reason that resonated with me. A few of my friends who had given birth had also mentioned it, and their opinion was that it had made them feel a little more in control and calm.
So rewind a little to around the 20-week mark of my pregnancy and my sister-in-law very kindly gave me the Hollie De Cruz Book; ‘Your Baby, Your Birth’. She had got it for her own birth but her baby arrived before she had a chance to read it. I was a complete keeno and jumped straight in.
I loved the book and downloaded both MP3s as recommended. Every shower for the next 18 weeks approximately consisted of the gentle, lulling words of Hollie telling me how I was a powerful woman and I could birth with love. Every night, I fell asleep to Hollie telling me I was relaxed and my baby was relaxed. I think Mark went into work feeling like a strong and confident woman after listening to her smooth tones in his sleep for 18 weeks too.
Fast forward to around 30 weeks and my lovely friend Nikki showed me the online course from the Positive Birth Company. It was a series of short videos explaining various elements of birth. Mark and I watched them together and it was really interesting to understand a little more. As a side note, I am someone who doesn’t like to fly (I do, but I dislike it). I base this on the fact that I don’t understand it. So this was great for me, as I feel like a little bit of knowledge does no harm and certainly helped when it came to it.
We attended some great classes put on by the community midwives at our local village hall, including a wonderful hypnobirthing class, taken by one of the midwives who also trained as a vet. I was hearing this animal analogy more and more, as she explained that often when animals give birth they retreat to somewhere dark and where they feel safe.
So at 38 weeks and 3 days, Mark left for his afternoon shift and I lay on our bed for a doze. I was eating some biscuits and watching a Touch of Frost on ITV3 (which reminds me, I still haven’t finished that episode) when I felt ‘odd’. I went to the bathroom and within a few minutes, my waters had broken, and simultaneously a contraction had started.
I quickly called Mark as he must have only just been arriving at work as I knew the baby was coming. I followed all the steps and rang the team at the labor ward at the hospital, just to let them know as you should, that the waters had gone. I was pretty sure I hadn’t just lost control of my bladder, but they said to come in and be checked, to bring my bag and they would have a look.
As part of the Positive Birth Company advice, I had downloaded their ‘Freya’ app, which timed the contractions and spoke reassuring words to you. Oddly, I had become so conditioned to being mumbled to re-assuringly in my ear.
We got to the hospital and were greeted by my lovely midwife Jade. I could talk all day about how wonderful she was. She took me seriously as I felt things were progressing quickly. She ran me a bath and put on some fairy lights. Then it all goes a bit odd.
I had heard a lot about the ‘transition’ and how the feelings of the contractions will change. As I sat in the bath, feeling the most uncomfortable that I had done throughout the whole thing, I started to go somewhere else. I can’t really explain and it feels like a complete cliché, but part of the hypnobirthing practice was to visualize somewhere that you felt relaxed. There is a walk not too far from us, with a lake and woodlands, and during a very odd hour, I was at the lake, not my bath in a maternity ward. I felt like time wasn’t moving and I could hear everyone, but couldn’t do anything. I heard Mark going in and out of the room and fetching the bags from the car (which we hadn’t had a chance to do yet) and I remember taking some paracetamol.
The baby was coming and I was back in the room, as it were. I must have said something because I was being helped out of the bath and into the opposite room. At that moment, Becky was there gently stroking my back and joking with me that I had bought the baby early to meet her before her holiday.
I quite rudely snapped ‘don’t touch me’ to which she gently laughed and backed away. I think she knew it was time.
I had some gas and air for the pushing part in the birthing pool and it was time to meet our daughter.
I will never forget that moment of reaching into the pool with Jade to lift Charlotte from the water and Mark cutting the cord. It was like a dream.
Charlotte had some vitals that didn’t seem quite right, they think maybe due to a speedy delivery, but we ended up staying in the hospital for 7 days whilst she was given some tests and antibiotics to make sure she was OK. Although that was a tough time, we were treated amazingly, and comforted during her first few hours in the world in a little plastic incubator, eating hot toast and tea lovingly bought through by the staff.
So I wanted to share our story. As Charlotte is on the eve of her first birthday, it’s a monumental time for us all as a family and to look back on a wonderful day. Not everyone’s story is positive, but here is my little ramble of how my little human came into the world. Hypnobirthing is often tutted away, and I completely get why. I gave it a go because I was scared, and during birth, I just didn’t feel how I thought I would. I just felt I would give it a go as I had nothing to lose. I’m going to sign off and go to bed now…and I might just put on Hollie to send me to sleep for a bit of nostalgia.
