As I sit writing this, I’m coming up for 25 weeks pregnant with our second baby. I thought I would write a little blog just to record a few feelings and mind dumps. Although incredibly happy and feeling very fortunate, pregnancy comes with many mixed emotions. Even more so I’m finding, second time around.
Did we always want a second baby?
We always had the idea in mind that we would like to have two children. My husband is one of two and I think in those easy days of dating and daydreaming, we sort of said that two seemed about right for us, if we were lucky enough to have children at all.
We live in a little house that suits us space and location wise. More than two would stretch that. I also just feel I would be frightened if there were more children than adults (my friends who have more than two are incredible and seem to juggle life and children. I am not one of them)
In early 2020, our daughter Charlotte arrived. It was a wonderful time. Although Covid was rife and lockdowns changed a lot about parenthood, I will always look back on it fondly. My birth was a really special experience (I wrote a blog about my hypnobirthing journey here if you fancy a read) so I think I said quite soon after that I wouldn’t mind doing it again. I’m sure this is nature playing tricks on you as I have forgotten some of the more unpleasant parts. I’m sure I’ll remember in a few months time.
When did we think it was the right time?
After Charlotte turned one, I started to feel like I was ready for another baby. My husband wasn’t so sure. But as the months passed and the world started opening up a little after the lockdowns, something in me just felt like it was the right time.
We joked that it would be funny if they shared a birthday (Fast forward to the scan where our due date is pencilled for 2 weeks before our daughters second birthday)
I took the first pregnancy test back in May and saw I wasn’t pregnant. I felt a pang of sadness, which I hadn’t really expected.
In the following few weeks we visited family and carried on as normal but I knew something was up and was convinced the test was wrong. A whole lot of tests in my Amazon cart later, and a few ‘Are you sure you can’t see a line??!!!’ later, slowly but surely, it showed we were expecting again.
We nervously waited for the scan, through the afternoon sickness and dizziness. I had completely forgotten how that knocks you. The last time I could go to bed during the first-trimester tiredness, but being a toddler mum means you have other plans.
The scan came and there they were. Another February baby. A huge sigh of relief that everything seemed OK so far and the sickness was starting to pass.
At the following scan, we were pleased to find out we were due to have a little boy this time around. We didn’t mind either way, but it’s been fun getting our heads around having a son.
Are we ready for the changes?
Something I hadn’t quite anticipated was the huge feeling of guilt and fear.
We were just finding our feet as a family of 3. I am now going to playgroups, soft plays, coffee mornings. Bundling all the kit into the car and scooting off feels OK. And then I start to realise that this is only going to be for a finite amount of time until baby two arrives.
I was at playgroup only this week when someone asked ‘Is Charlotte ready to become a big sister?’ and I smiled broadly.
‘Oh yes, I’m sure she’ll be great’ I replied.
As I looked behind me, Charlotte had taken her toy doll out of the pram. Layed it on the colouring in table and was repeatedly stabbing it with a yellow crayon. I did a hard gulp.
She will be in full toddler-dom when baby two arrives. Although I think this will be great in many ways, it also fills me with quite a lot of fear. Charlotte is the centre of our world and everything we do is because it would benefit her. This decision is ours alone and she’s a little too young to comprehend the huge changes coming her way that will shake her little world to its core.
I see my friends handling it like pros. They tell me it’s hard but also that when they’re older, this will all seem such a quick period of time as our family re adjusts.
Is it normal to feel all the emotions?
I think I’m feeling a big sense of overwhelm this week and probably why it’s a good time to do the brain dump.
I’m starting to think about what I need to get out of the loft for the last time and where I’ve put the Snuz pod bedding. Is there anything I thought was great last time around or anything I would do differently? Will they be a great or terrible sleeper (we’ve just finished quite an epic sleep journey with Charlotte that I’ve written about here)
They’re obviously going to be completely different babies, so what might suit one, might not suit our new friend. And I think that’s quite hard to get my head around.
This time I would like to try for a homebirth. I will look into this more as the weeks approach. I’m digging out all my lists for hospital and what I need, gradually adding little bits to the shopping list.
Time just seems to be flying past this pregnancy. With less appointments and being busier than the first time around, it’s quite easy to forget the majority of the time. Then you feel the kicks and hiccups or you realise you can’t tie your shoes and you remember. I’m also finding things like cleaning getting harder as I’m much slower. I’m not laughing as much when Charlotte throws a plate of pasta on the floor and I know it will all need sweeping up.
Have you gone through this?
Let me know if you’ve gone through these feelings. Or any huge tips you have. We keep telling Charlotte now about the little brother in my tummy. I’m mindful that I don’t want her to feel pushed aside so we’ll probably do the present exchange from him like many have suggested. I keep doubting myself that I have forgotten how to look after a newborn.
Tell me it all comes back to you?! As I look at my relatively tidy home whilst Charlotte naps I try to remember to take the pressure off. Ones just fun. And two is a Zoo. Let the zoo keeping shift commence xx
